Recounting his son’s childhood, a single father, RS Nanda feels the world has moved on. In the 1990s when he told a stranger that he was a single divorced father , the first question would be , ‘Oh, do you still ( get to ) see him?’
That question captured in a nutshell, the experience of being a single father in the 1990s. In cases of divorce , the assumption was always that they have an absentee father & a can’t help but-be -nurturing mother.
While my son was growing up only parents were allowed at school functions. Recently talking to a school administrator about how the crowds at these functions have inflated, I was met with a joking, ‘Arrey, nowadays every child has two fathers, two mothers ‘.
The stigma around divorce & single fatherhood seems like it is abating. Opportunities for building communities have expended, as has the definition of ‘family’. In having raised my son as a single father, I do not have much to offer by way of lessons learnt.
But a surefire way of ensuring healthier, happier children & families to me is to address the misogyny. Women still get blamed for divorces while having higher expectations of parenting placed on them and men are still , in many circles , expected to be the ones having their hands off of the duty.
It was my wife & community ‘s support & generosity that made sure my son & I stayed afloat.
A prickly subject even today. The aftermath affects everyone around.
Asian Entertainment 